As I was putting on my makeup this morning, I looked at my face and said to myself, “Self, you’re decently attractive. Why are you still single?” Apparently it takes more than being mediocrely attractive to get a guy. I mean, Honey Boo Boo’s mom has a boyfriend. Have you seen her? (not that her boyfriend is attractive either)
What am I missing?
Then I actually thought about it for a little while. Why am I single?
This is why:
1. I have dignity.
I’m not desperate for a boyfriend, so I don’t act like I’m desperate. I don’t spend all my time trying to get guys to like me or date me. I let them come to me, if they’re brave enough to try to get an introvert to like them. Sadly, very few are. That I know of, anyway. I’m not overly observant, so there’s a good chance quite a few guys have liked me and I just had no idea. Which brings me to my second point…
2. I suck at flirting and also at recognizing when a guy is flirting with me.
There’ve been so many times when some guy has flirted with me and I have no clue until I walk away and a friend with me says something along the lines of “Wow, he was really laying it on thick!” And I’m just like, “Whaaa?” Yeah. I am also socially awkward, so I don’t even try to flirt. That would be a disaster of Titanic proportions. That was an exaggeration.
3. Guys don’t notice me because I’m always with an extraverted friend.
I don’t like social events in general. I hate them if I don’t have someone I know really well with me who will help me through all the small talk that I can’t stand. Unfortunately all my close friends are bubbly, cheerful, funny, cute extraverts who have admirable social skills. So the guys talk to them instead of the awkward, quiet, occasionally sarcastic girl with them. Which is usually okay with me. Until I realize that my singleness is probably partially caused by this….no actually, I’m still okay. My friends are amazing, and I wouldn’t trade them for any boys!
4. I’m an introvert and I don’t get out much.
This probably should have been reason #1. Spending hours in my room by myself is not conducive to finding a boyfriend.
I weird guys out I intimidate guys with my awesomeness.
Hey, I get it, guys. Such a combination of such brains, beauty, and amazing taste in music, books, and movies is frightening. Also, I can beat you at thumb wrestling, though my hands are smaller than yours. Unless your hand is really sweaty, which is gross by the way, and makes it really difficult for me to hold your thumb down because it’s slippery. I am also probably smarter than you, though you wouldn’t know that because I sound like an idiot whenever I talk out loud. But you’d be amazed at the brilliance of my papers. I also probably read more books in a month than you do in a year, so that might scare you as well. I can also sing and play the guitar and piano. And I can dance. I have probably seen more guy action movies than you have. Once I wrestled someone who is a black belt in karate and I won. And I can do a mean cat-eye with eyeliner. Terrified yet?
6. I have high standards.
Even if I had a dozen guys vying for my attention right now (which I definitely don’t), I might not date any of them. I have standards. Mostly biblical standards, but also a few of my own that aren’t exactly outlined in the New Testament, such as:
He must have seen at least once: The Princess Bride, the LOTR movies, and at least half of the Harry Potter movies to be considered for boyfriendship.
He must also allow me to play my indie and alternative music in the car when we go places (bonus points if he likes those genres as well!) He must read at least ten books a year that are NOT assigned reading (I’ll let him get away with seven if two or more of them are 800+ pages). He also must listen to me rant when I want to rant. But I’ll listen to him rant too if he enjoys ranting. I don’t mind that. Actually I usually find ranting funny, as long as the person isn’t ranting about me…to me. That’s no fun. He must also find my sarcasm funny and not offensive, otherwise he will be constantly offended and that’s just not the way to have a healthy relationship. And finally, he must respect the Introversion. Space when I need it, that sort of thing.
Hey, compared to a lot of girls, I’m not really asking for much.
Reading back over this list, the only thing that comes to mind is that I’m never ever going to have a boyfriend. Six different reasons is juuuuust enough to permanently ensure that I will be forever alone.
Oh, well. Here’s to single life.