I know, haven’t written in forever. But let’s look past that because it’s almost one in the morning, I’m on summer vacation, and neither of those facts have anything to do with the rant I’m about to go on and or why you should forgive me for not writing in forever. It’ll be months before my next post, probably, so if you’re mad at me for not writing I probably won’t read your comments until October anyway and by then I’ll regret this post and agree with you.
Right. Topic. So this is officially my last summer before I graduate. That’s right. I have a total of one year left before I’m sucked into the black hole known as The Rest of My Life, aka The Real World, sometimes referred to Officially Having To Be An Adult. This means that come May when I walk across that stage in a cap and gown and a diploma holder (just in case you failed a class and didn’t really graduate, they mail the actual diplomas later), I have to do, or more likely will already have had to do, two of the things I hate most:
1) Make a decision
2) Commit to something
I am the queen of leaving my options open. I loathe plans. Plans are life ruiners. They’re the things that finagle me into doing things like having coffee with a person I only vaguely like instead of finishing that book like I actually want to that day or force me to commit to registering for a class I’m not 100% sure I’ll actually want to take in the fall. Ask any of my friends. I do not plan. I do not decide. I do not commit.
Except I need to figure out what I’m doing when I graduate because things like graduate school and jobs require a bit of foreknowledge.
Except I just decided that my original post-grad goal isn’t actually even remotely what I want to do.
(side rant: So I told my two best friends that when I left out all the awesomeness of living in another country and getting to drill the English language into people’s heads, being an English teacher abroad is basically me standing in front of a room of people and having to talk to them, and then later grading stuff. Which is simultaneously an introvert’s hell and extreme boredom. And both of my friends were like, yeah, I could never really see you doing that, honestly. And I’m like, uh, couldn’t you have said something four years ago when this really stupid, shiny idea originally popped into my head? And they’re like, well I wanted to be supportive and stuff. And I was like, I hate you. Not really, but next time be more honest than supportive, ‘kay?)
So now the swirling vortex of terror (yes, I just quoted Finding Nemo) is about to swallow me whole and leave me drifting in an endless sea of possibilities that are just out of reach because I have no decision-making skills. WHAT IS MY LIFE AND WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH IT???
Also, why is my only marketable skill blogging? And I’m not even consistent with that. Why, Lord, whyyyyyyyyyy.
Anyway, I’m now considering grad school, though I originally scoffed at the thought of immediately returning to school after, you know, sixteen or so years of it. But let’s be real, school is the only thing I’m really good at, because this is my brain:
Book smarts/Academic smarts: 65%
Common sense/Street smarts: 5%
People smarts/social intelligence: 5%
Wasted Space, Basically: 25%
This is not the brain of a person well-prepared for the real world. This is the brain of an academic recluse. An academic recluse that doesn’t even like school half the time.
I’m currently trying to find a grad program that actually sounds interesting to me. That way I can put my only real talent to use while not hating every moment of it. So far the only programs that both look interesting to me and have an actual, like, real world use (meaning I can actually get a job. Sorry, Creative Writing degree, but I like food too much for you) are programs in International Affairs/International Relations/International Studies (don’t ask me what the difference is between those, I’m still trying to figure that out). There’s also a degree at one university in Ethics, Peace, and Global Affairs. No idea what I would do with that, but it sounds cool.
But…now I have to study all summer. I have to review Spanish since I’m taking intermediate Spanish in the fall and it’s been a whole year since my elementary level classes, I now have to take the GRE and study for that, and my honors program final oral exam is next semester.
What is my life and why is it all school even when it’s summer?
Okay, rant over. Wow, I sound whiny in this post. Sorry. But, hey, I actually wrote something. Consider yourself privileged.